Navigating the Fear of Critique in Creative Writing:
This quarter I gave myself a challenge: write and complete a short story. Growing up, I would always start many drafts of a story, only to give up halfway through. My old family computer was stuffed with unfinished Word documents, many simply labeled as “Chapter One.” It’s 2023. It’s time I finally finish a draft of my own complete story.
Yet, throughout the process of writing, I found that the most difficult part of it had nothing to do with the writing of the story itself. I am a comfortable writer and feel strongly about my capabilities. Rather, the most difficult part was reaching out for help from another tutor…
I encourage you to read along to see the experience of a tutor whose perspective was shifted when on the other end of tutoring. You may find that you have shared similar thoughts, concerns, and fears about writing that I have. I hope that through detailing this, I can encourage you to continue to pursue creative writing, and even further, continue to bravely ask for others’ help, feedback, and support. We live in a vibrant community of writers and creative powerhouses, and the truth is that we all want each other to succeed as much as we want ourselves to.
Why?
After watching Kubrick’s “The Shining,” I was inspired to create a horror short film using my apartment building as a setting. In “The Shining,” there is an infamous staircase scene where husband and wife have both completely lost their minds–if you know, you know. My own apartment building has a creepy staircase leading to the building’s storage attic, one that could easily be used to create a similar scene.
Given that I’m graduating from The Theatre School with a BFA degree in Acting, it’s important to find a way to work creatively without relying on auditions, which so often amount to rejection. I’m surrounded by talented people in my cohort who always want to perform, and alumni have encouraged us not to wait for the right role to come to us; instead, make the role ourselves. Do it ourselves.
I’m not familiar with writing screenplays–but, I am familiar with writing free-form stories! Hence, I decided to write with what I know, focus on getting the main story down on paper first, and then transfer it to a screenplay later. It became my final writing project of my college experience.
My Short Story:
“BILLY” is a horror short story, which is ultimately about the ignorance of love. When Sofia Wiley and her beloved Mike celebrate their first anniversary of marriage, their closest friend, next-door neighbor, and best-man to their wedding, Billy, is distant and doesn’t celebrate with them. When they drunkenly return home, they find Billy experiencing an extreme state of distress and grief, alone in his apartment… in his… underwear? In his panic, he re-experiences childhood trauma, and lashes out like a temperamental little boy would, and this scares the married couple and ultimately puts them in danger. My goal in writing this is to create a situation like one experiences in nightmares–where you’re surrounded by danger but you can’t physically move, paralyzed in shock–and this forces viewers to the edge of their seats. The story is a character study on how sometimes, only extremely negative experiences–like childhood trauma–tends to connect us to the most innocent, vulnerable, and honest versions of ourselves. And, it’s also a social commentary on how the actions of men and boys alike place unwanted burdens on the women in their life, which mostly are left unaddressed.
^^ That was my elevator pitch. I don’t want to spoil it too much for you, that way I can encourage you to read it and see the film when it’s released hopefully by the end of the summer. Nevertheless, I hope it provides context into why I felt so nervous about sharing my creative work with others.
Drafting
I had completed my goal of the quarter: finish a draft of my own short story! Therefore, it was time for a new goal: draft 2.
I tutored my own writing to come up with ideas for the second draft. I cut some redundant explanations, I checked small mechanical fixes, and I rewrote the introduction entirely to match how the story ends. It was at this point that I felt my experience with the project was coming to a blockade. I didn’t know where to go, what to add, or what needed to be changed. Hence, I knew a pair of fresh eyes who without prior knowledge of the story would provide me with the most useful information for what the story is missing. Yet… I was nervous.
I judged myself. Here I am, an actor who is writing. I’m just an average white guy who is writing another horror story, placing all of the fear and intensity on a female character. I was worried that I may come across as somebody who severely misunderstands the genre, misunderstands writing female characters, misunderstands trauma. I was worried that someone who read this story would think of me as weird, strange, or screwed up in the head.
This is what many artists call “the voice in the back of your mind.” After stepping away from the keyboard and resting until the next day, the voice was silenced and I was able to approach the story with a fresh perspective. In fact, I found myself enjoying my writing quite a bit! Although I doubted myself the night before, re-reading assured me that at one point, this story hadn’t existed. I created something new, entirely original. I was impressed and satisfied with my keen attention to detail.
Plus, if I’ve learned anything from the writing center, it’s that Anyone Who Writes Anything Is A Writer. I even wrote an entire blog post about comparing writing center core beliefs to the process of singing, and I devoted my time to encouraging others. Why not extend that devotion to myself? Yes, this may be one of the only drafts I’ve ever actually completed, but why waste my time comparing myself to others? My process and my work and my life is my own. Plus, I was out of ideas for the third draft. It was time to open up my creativity to the feedback and support of others.
Feedback
I made my appointment with a tutor, and felt extremely anxious to receive the feedback. My appointment letter was packed with questions like “is it too much” or “does it come across weirdly” or “does it make sense” and many more. This is often what many writers experience when asking for feedback–a severe sense of vulnerability and fear of judgment.
When I got the email containing the feedback document, I opened it immediately… only to feel immense relief! At the start, the tutor complimented me on simply completing a story, and there were numerous comments throughout the document where my tutor praised certain moments and explanations. Comments like “I love this!” and “This is such a fantastic description” really upped my confidence and silenced that voice in the back of my mind.
It shows the importance of the concept of Motivational Scaffolding, where the tutor will frame their feedback based on praise and support for the writer’s work. Not only is it kind to compliment one another, but it reassures writers of their skills, and encourages them to keep writing. In fact, I also wrote a whole blog post on Motivational Scaffolding as well! Feel free to check that out if you want more information.
Of course, Motivational Scaffolding isn’t always guaranteed in any context of tutoring. Often, especially in classroom settings, we receive feedback for our writing without any praise–which is completely okay. It doesn’t mean your writing is bad if you’re not given any specific compliments. For me, I was relieved to find that none of my tutor’s comments had any sort of negative connotation, nothing that would agree with that insecure voice in my mind. The act of reviewing another person’s edits on my own creative work is scary, but in my experience and even with little to no specific praise comments, it’s extremely helpful and rewarding nonetheless.
By the end of the night, I had already started work on draft number 3, taking my tutor’s suggestions and expanding on the work I had already done. The blockade had been removed.
What’s Next?
Once my third draft is complete, I will reach out for feedback one final time to get the last edits peer-reviewed. Then, I’ll translate my writing into a screenplay and get to work on producing my first professional short film! I’m immensely excited to have a creative project of my own, along with a community that will always support me.
At one point, I had thought of giving up on this story. Many writers experience this, especially with creative pursuits. How do you create something out of nothing? How can you know if it’s actually good? It seems like the greatest answer I can give to those questions is to not be afraid to share and open your creative pursuits with other people. After all, writing must be read by readers, just as short films must be watched by an audience, and how plays are written to be seen. And at the end of the day, I’m always surprised at the amount of support I receive from pursuing my creative ambitions.
No matter where you are, you are surrounded by support. It’s scary to reach out for that guidance, to ask someone to take time out of their busy days to support something that can be deemed unproductive in this country; it doesn’t make money, it isn’t educational, and it isn’t even a true story–it’s fiction. But that’s also what’s beautiful about it. It’s separate from our world. It’s a way to step out of our comforts and our stresses, our bills and our debts, our insecurities and our fears; it’s only human to be looking for a way to avoid and escape our problems. It’s why whenever I pursue something creatively and actively seek support, I am granted it by my loving peers.
Do you have a story you’re aching to tell? Or do you feel like you have a creative passion that hasn’t sparked in a while? I’m here to support you. Do it. Trust me. The voice in the back of your mind is not as loud as my voice in this blog post: DO IT!