My first ever appointment at the Writing Center was with a woman in her 30’s. Through the office’s online synchronous portal, we worked on an essay to get college credit for her work with non-profits and other organizations.
I was nineteen years old, and tutoring was my first and only job not related food service. This woman had life experience in the real world and college credit at stake. I felt so unqualified, and the appointment seemed to spiral out of control as I could not get the writer or myself to stay focused on three agenda items.
This was the start of a journey that would last multiple years—my journey with accepting myself and my position as a writing tutor and overcoming the impostor syndrome that comes with it.
First Year: Remote Work
It was hard feeling like I had any sort of business helping people write papers. After all, I was certainly not a perfect writer myself and was open for tutoring on the schedule after only a few weeks of training.
On top of it all, I had not even met any of my co-workers. I was hired in the midst of the pandemic; everyone was working from home. I received all my training from a desk in my small apartment bedroom. I was connected with everyone, yet alone.
I had no idea how comfortable other tutors in my position felt either. I constantly sought validation from anywhere I could find it: I tried reaching out to colleagues who I had previously established relationships with and talking about the job with them, but I didn’t get the feeling that they were struggling like I was.
On top of that, feeling comfortable around my other coworkers was another challenge. I felt alone and unqualified compared to those who had more experience than me.
While working remotely felt like an echo chamber, there were little moments here and there that boosted my confidence. Slack messages from other tutors, the mentoring program, and check-ins over Zoom helped me see that I could succeed at the UCWbL.
Also, the fear that an appointment would go terribly wrong slowly faded over time after writers left each appointment thanking me for my help.
As the year came to a close, the little moments added up, and I felt qualified and comfortable in my position as peer writing tutor. I felt like I knew everything I needed to know in order to help writers in each appointment.
Second Year: In-Person Work
These feelings of insecurity and loneliness, however, ironically returned when I stepped foot in the UCWbL office for the first time. All of a sudden, there was a new appointment modality to learn about and become confident on: face-to-face, and the challenge of learning to tutor in an area with other people around rather than my own bedroom.
By being in the space too, I could see everyone else’s tutoring skills and strategies—and all of a sudden, the job became very comparative.
Inevitably, the impostor syndrome came roaring back. The stakes for every appointment felt higher, and I became embarrassed that other people would hear my tutoring. Again, despite the fact that I had received the same training as everyone else, I felt unqualified.
As time went on, though, tutoring in person and being around other tutors actually began to make me feel more confident in my own tutoring. Casual discussions about our job around the UCWbL showed me that I was not alone in any of my fears.
My colleagues and I could talk about appointments that went wrong, strategies we’d developed, as well as our own insecurities as tutors.
One conversation included a whole group of us discussing how challenging online synchronous appointments could be, which brought me right back to that first appointment a year before. The comparative aspect of in-person tutoring went from being one of the biggest contributors to my impostor syndrome to putting me at ease and making me feel comfortable as a tutor.
Reflection
I think back to that first online appointment in the year of remote work a lot, now mostly with amusement. After all, I had sat in on multiple appointments and received plenty of training. When it did not go exactly according to my plan, I took it personally and let it affect my confidence. I only regained that through the support of other people at the UCWbL.
If the UCWbL had deemed me qualified to tutor, why should I have doubted it?
The Writing Center has always had my back, and it was that support that allowed me to finally start to believe in myself and my tutoring abilities. It took me a long time to trust the process, but now I feel like I belong in my position.
I’m grateful for my role as peer writing tutor, and I’m grateful for all of the people I have met who I can learn from. The main challenge of being a peer writing tutor is confidence—and the best way to gain confidence is from interaction and collaboration.