I’m sure we’ve all been there before – you’re in class, you’ve just completed a lecture, and you’re feeling very confused about what it is you just went over. You have so many questions you need to have answered, but as you look around and see everyone leaving you fear you are the only one in the entire world who doesn’t understand what’s going on…so you stand up and leave as well.
When it comes to situations like these, inadvertent peer pressure and a fear of letting people down, or even annoying them, can come between you and the information you wish to have. In today’s society, we’ve made asking for help seem like a weakness – when it should be considered a strength. It was my New Year’s resolution this year to become more unafraid to ask for help when something doesn’t make sense to me, when I feel I’ve misunderstood something, or I simply feel lost.
“Having a need and needing help is not a sign that you’re weak, it’s a sign that you’re human.”
Kate Northrup
Some of you, I know, must be asking yourselves why I’ve made this of all things my New Year’s resolution. When I look back over all the time I’ve spent on my academic career, and all the time I’ve spent at various jobs, I feel I’ve missed out on a lot each of these opportunities had to offer. I had decided in the past that asking someone for help was simply too much, and I feared I’d inconvenience someone. Maybe if I had asked more questions I would’ve liked my various math classes more, and maybe if I had asked how to properly inventory different kinds of ice creams I wouldn’t have had to deal with a summer’s worth of trauma. My point is that – not asking for help is a bigger deal than it seems at face value.
In the past year-and-a-half, I’ve had to deal with a lot of new beginnings. I’ve had to move to college, start life in a strange and unfamiliar city, make new friends, start a new job (that has helped exponentially in this endeavor), and learn about a career field I chose on a whim. With time, I had to learn that the only way I was going to enjoy myself as I took on all of these new tasks and adventures was to ask for help. I had to ask my professors what a “gaffer” was. I had to ask my friends if I could get an invite to their get-togethers. I had to ask my mom how to ask for help.
“The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.”
George Bernard Shaw
Being a tutor has allowed me to see that my tunnel-vision towards not asking for help is universal. Students are terrified to ask for help on both their complicated statistics homework, and for help with their ten page thesis paper on quantum physics. In sticking with the philosophy put forth by the University Center for Writing Based Learning, which states that, “There is no universal writing process that all writers should use,” I stand firm in the belief that difference in learning leads to better learning. In remembering this, we as a community, will better develop a sense of understanding and gratitude towards asking questions that encourage everyone to think deeper and question further.
In the end, asking for help may still be daunting, but sharing information and developing a deeper sense of respect as a community may help in our immediate futures. If you find yourself absorbing a lot of information and you don’t know what to do with it – first acknowledge that that’s okay. Feeling overwhelmed is very common. Change your mindset. Instead of thinking about inconveniencing someone, ask yourself two things. Is this person here to help me, and will I feel better if I just rip this metaphorical band-aid off? If your answer to both of these questions is yes – ask away! After all, “Collaboration among peers is an especially effective mode of learning.”
As I end this post, I’d like to leave with one last note. Asking for help, or telling someone what’s wrong, might actually make you feel better. So, no matter how big or small the feeling or question, ask with unrelenting curiosity – after all – you may never know what doors are going to open if you don’t ask first.